


all that i want (all that i need)

by kay_emm_gee



Series: the kids aren't alright (The 100 tumblr prompts) [113]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, First Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 08:54:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15239841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kay_emm_gee/pseuds/kay_emm_gee
Summary: Everyone needed her, after all, and speaking with Zeke did not come close to making her list of needs. She wanted it, badly, so much sometimes that it was hard to breathe. But now was not a time for wants. Or at least, that’s what she told herself every time she wavered outside the doors to the flight deck. There would be time for that later, when their survival was a sure thing instead of something constantly weighing heavily on all of them.So she walked on when she neared those doors, walked past when she saw him in the mess hall, walked away when she heard his voice in the next corridor.Later, when she saw his blood spattered the ship floor, she thought,I really should have known better.{ prompt fic: first kiss, canon-verse }





	all that i want (all that i need)

Raven was tired of being needed. Ever since they had charted the former Eligius spaceship to look for a new planet to call home, she was constantly being called to one task or another.

_Debugging the airlock system._

_Managing a fuel leak._

_Weighing in on decisions with the remaining delinquents._

She was exhausted, and it had only been two weeks since they had set off. Sleep was a luxury someone with her skill set was not afforded. She ate while walking from one meeting or conversation to the next. Her friends were worried, but they had their own burdens to bear. Bellamy and Clarke with leading. Echo and Monty with acclimating everyone from the bunker to living in space. Harper and Emori putting out the fires that Raven couldn’t cover. Murphy with distracting them from the immense challenges that lay ahead by being a purposeful thorn in everyone’s side.

Strange, how much this felt like their first days back on the Ark. Except this time they wouldn’t being going back to earth. Ever.

And also this time, she had the constant tug in her head, on her heart, to go and find someone she did not have the time to seek out.

Everyone needed her, after all, and speaking with Zeke did not come close to making her list of needs. She wanted it, badly, so much sometimes that it was hard to breathe. But now was not a time for wants. Or at least, that’s what she told herself every time she wavered outside the doors to the flight deck. There would be time for that later, when their survival was a sure thing instead of something constantly weighing heavily on all of them.

So she walked on when she neared those doors, walked past when she saw him in the mess hall, walked away when she heard his voice in the next corridor.

Later, when she saw his blood spattered the ship floor, she thought,  _I really should have known better._

* * *

Old resentments died hard amongst convicts, and the kitchen staff didn’t have time to count silverware after every meal. A single missing knife, an empty corridor, and bottled rage were all it took to turn Raven’s world upside down.

As she lingered outside the infirmary, her stomach rolled with nausea, twisting itself into tight knots.  _Time,_ she thought bitterly.  _How did I think we would ever have time._

When Abby emerged–dark circles under her eyes, which were clear and focused like they used to be before the pills–Raven stiffened. Some things were healing, some things never would be healed. She grimaced, wondering if there was enough time in the world to put the pieces of their world back together entirely.

Right now, though, all she cared about is if Zeke was put back together, if he was alright.

“He’s asleep,” Abby said quietly. Her voice was a bit unsteady, though her hands were still. “But you can stay as long as you’d like.”

Raven did not wait a moment before she pushed into the room. The curtain around his bed was drawn back, a chair right at the cot’s side. She approached slowly, wondering if the pinched expression of his face meant he was in pain. The bandages around his chest were tight, expertly rapped. They glowed dull white, devoid of any blood spots, and she assured herself that had to be a good sign.

As she clung to that hope, a flash of another set of bandages, of another boy in another lifetime came to her. Her throat thickened, and her eyes stung. A sob that might have been a jagged type of laughter burst from her. She covered her mouth to stifle it, to keep the awful memories and fears new and old at bay.

Weakly, she lowered herself into the chair. She gripped the handles, reminding herself of the present.

They were not on the ground and lacking medical supplies, cut off from the Ark. There was no storm raging outside, there were no secrets that Zeke had kept from her. There was only the cool metal of the chair, his breathing, and the dim light of the infirmary around them.

 _They would have time,_  she promised herself.  _They would have all the time they could need._

She would make sure of it, from now on.

* * *

When Raven woke, her neck was sore from sleeping at an awkward angle in the chair. Zeke was still asleep, but his eyelids fluttered as if he wouldn’t be for long. In the light of morning, she started to waver on her promise from the night before. Maybe she should leave, now, before he woke up. She could visit him later, when he was better, when he was–

She lost her chance, because suddenly she was looking into his dark eyes. Instinctively, she leaned forward, all thoughts of fleeing forgotten. Just like when they first met, a single look from him made all of her doubts melt away.

A ghost of a smile appeared on his face.

“If I knew a trip to the infirmary would get you to come see me, I would’ve stabbed myself first day on the ship.”

“Then we wouldn’t have made it out of Earth’s gravitation, idiot.”

“Second day then.”

Raven wanted to roll her eyes, but they watered instead. “How are you?” She murmured.

“Hurts like hell. But I’m alive, so that’s something.”

She reached for his hand without thinking. Her fingers curled into his palm, and she squeezed. Zeke turned his hand over, so they were palm to palm. His thumb stroked the inside of her wrist, sending warm shivers down her spine. Raven scooted forward in the chair, and in response he tried to sit up.

Immediately, he winced, and she shot up.

“Don’t,” she cautioned, leaning over to press his shoulders back against the thin pillow. “You’ll start bleeding again.”

“Did I ever stop?” He joked. “Seems like that’s all I’ve done since we came back to Earth.”

Her heartbeat stuttered. “That’s not funny.”

“It’s not?” His half-smile made her temper flare.

“No! It’s not!” Her voice dropped down to a whisper. “It’s not funny at all.”

“Hey, hey,” he murmured. Though she could tell he wanted to move again, he didn’t. He just tilted his head to catch her gaze. He held it for a beat, then said quietly, “Come here.”

“What?” She was already so close to him, their faces a half-foot apart.

“Come. Here.” Slowly, he raised his other hand and cupped the back of her head. He didn’t pull her closer, instead waited for her to lean in. Raven did, and her breath hitched right before their lips touched.

The kiss was soft, steady, simple. It didn’t last long, but the warmth in it seeped deep into her bones, staying even as they pulled apart. She felt her cheeks flush as she caught her breath, lips parted and eyes closed.

“Don’t wait,” Zeke finally said. “Don’t wait to come see me again.”

When Raven let her eyes drift open, she saw a rawness in his expression that surprised her. In response, she gave him a small but reassuring smile that made him a promise. “I won’t.”

She stayed there, close to him, for another handful of moments before she stepped back. The day was already starting, and someone was no doubt needing her.

But something warm bloomed in her chest as she left the infirmary, because now she knew that Zeke needed her too. And not for her expertise, or her counsel, or her strength. He needed just her, and that type of needing was something she might never tire of.


End file.
